Wednesday, January 21, 12:30 PM

Unfortunately, a great day for Jonathan yesterday seemed to turn off like a light switch around the 5:00 hour. He retreated to what we had been witnessing for the past few 3-4 weeks, not really himself, in a haze and increasingly restless. Last night was more of that. I stayed with him last night and was so excited to rush over there after work to see Jonathan in all his glory, only to be a little disappointed to find him in the state I left him the day before. At the particular time I walked in he was agitated beyond what I had seen recently. He was afraid and seemed to be crying. My mom was trying to comfort and calm him, but nothing was working. So, I gave it a whirl and after about 30 minutes he calmed down and was just completely a sweetheart - every 2 seconds telling me and mom that he loved us and asking for hugs. Mom left around 7ish and he and I just sat and chatted. It wasn't full conversations, just mostly telling each other how much we loved each other. I told him things like I was proud of the person he is and that I don't tell him often enough how much I love and appreciate him. He repeated the same sentiments to me and apologized for not being there like he thinks he should. It was 3 hours of very simple "conversation" - really just exchanging of sentiments and trying to jog his memory of certain childhood events. Most of them he did remember. . . he got a sleep aid around 10 and started drifting off around 10:20. He fell asleep with both of his arms wrapped around mine lying on his chest. There was no way for me to get up :) Of course I didn't mind. So, I sat there thanking God he was still here, asking for healing and for God to reveal himself to Jonathan. Around 11 he woke up in agony - his right knee in a lot of pain. Warm compresses helped, but ultimately they gave him his pain meds early and that gave him some sleep around 12:30. He slept from then until around 3 when again he woke up frantically. I stayed by/in his bed until 5 when he finally dozed off again for another 2 hours. This morning was a difficult morning. The staff started getting him ready for physical therapy long before any of his pain meds or feeding was given to him. It threw him completely off and the panic was there once again. I left as he was being wheeled down to physical therapy not excited as he normally is, but very anxious and a little frightened it seemed.

I can't tell you why he's retreated back nor can the nurses. The only explanation is that he will have good days and he will have bad days. We are believing that the good will far out weigh the bad. The only way I can seem to explain this whole situation is that God knew Dad and mom needed a glimpse that Jonathan will be OK. They needed to see that He will be made whole in his mind and come back to the Jonathan that we all know, love and miss. I believe God gave them a glimpse of that yesterday, a necessity for them during this trying time. Possibly, He did that to give them hope, but only allowed a glimpse as it's not time just yet for the full reveal. I don't know. None of us do, but even though it seems today that we've taken a step back. Even though dad's frustrated and we're left with many questions - we know that we will see that Jonathan again and soon I believe. It may just be more of a process. God may not be yet doing what He planned all along to do. So, through our frustration and questions - we trust and we praise God. For even that small glimpse is reason to praise!!